My post from the other day got me thinking about what advice I would give someone, especially a woman, who wants to try and meet the "one." I wrote that previous post because I thought it gave bad advice and I was critiquing it, so I think it is only fair that I give it a shot since I put that other article down so badly.*
*I am no love expert, I am just in love. :)
1. Do not boast, exaggerate, or be drama filled.
I have found that men can't stand it.
I have a particular friend that does all of these things and NOTHING gets my husband's eyes rolling like her stories. Everything is always the best, worst, craziest, funniest, etc. thing ever, and it is usually never the best, worst, craziest, funniest, etc.
What happens here is people stop listening. If you tell stories like this you are also likely a "one upper." I have problems with this and do it too because I can get excited about a story and want to relate to that person so I try to share my own experiences... proceed with caution because that can be interpreted as "you're story was great, but mine is better."
Also beware of the humble-brag. This is a fairly new term but the idea of the humble-brag is probably centuries old. For example, never say "My shoulders really hurt from that massage at my spa day this past weekend." unless you are trying to be sarcastic. If you are looking for genuine sympathy, you will not get it.
2. Be yourself, quirks and all, but maybe start with a smaller dose of what makes you "special" at first.
You can put up a ruse for a while, but after some time you will have to be exactly who you are, and all the time that you spent acting like someone else will be lost - both to them and to you.
Here are some to-dos: eat like you normally eat (vegetarian, etc.), talk about the positives of your family/friends/life, know your interests and talk about them (outdoorsy and sportsy? or like to watch movies and read books?), and last but not least - listen to them as well.
Here are some no-nos for the first part of dating: talking about exes, passing gas, cussing like a sailor, getting wasted, talking about the negatives of your life (this guy is on a date with you, not getting paid to be your shrink), and telling him/her about what makes you really "special" - crazy family, etc.
3. Know what you want and don't settle, but most of all - know yourself.
This may sound like a sure-fire way to date less, but that is kind of the point. You want to date better, not more. "The only thing that the wrong man in your life will do for you, is keep the right one out of it." I heard this quote somewhere and have used it many times. If you are in a relationship that is going nowhere, the sooner you get out, the sooner you can meet Mr. Right!
There are certain things you should know in the back of your mind that you will not waiver on when you meet with someone. During my dating years, for me those things were smoking (I hate it), if you had children, and if you had allergies to animals. You need to know your "deal breakers" and follow them strictly.
But knowing and being honest with yourself may be the way to start with this list. Don't judge unfairly, and if you're not a 10 in the looks department, don't expect to get one, etc. Knowing yourself can only help you find the right partner.
Another example, don't say you want a guy with a six pack if you've never set foot inside a gym, on the pavement, or a bike in your life. Do you know what it takes to have an actual "six pack?" Your well built beau will probably go to the gym 4-5 times a week, and if this is not something you like to do, you will be doing other things alone at this time.
Hope this helps, he/she is out there! If you are having trouble meeting people, exploring your interests is a great way to start. There is an adults sports league in my town, and maybe there is one in yours too? Book Club? Even hanging out with the girls can work! They may know someone to introduce you to. Bottom line, you've got to do you first.